Petal
by Aprilsummer
Summary: Severus Snape is left with no more of Lily Evans than her arrogant son to protect and a box of memories, each more enticing than the next as he reflects on the moments he shared with Lily. Moments of Lily and Snape from age 11 to the last time he saw her
1. Into the Light

I called her petal.

She had the beauty and grace of a whole garden, but I called her petal; A single pinnacle of beauty in a dark, twisted world.

Everyone else called her Lily, which seemed quite fitting as it was her name. But she was a petal, my petal.

From the moment I first witnessed her indisputable magic as mere children, I knew I loved her. The way her hair captured the glittering rays of the afternoon sun, or the way her smile lit up even the darkest winter twilights. She was the only woman, perhaps the only person I've ever loved.

And the only one I've ever lost who truly mattered.

It happened on Halloween, her death I mean to say.

It happened because of my error.

It happened because of my master, my Lord. He was her murderer, the man I had pledged my eternal service and devotion to killed the purest, most beautiful woman in the world, the woman I loved.

But I had my vengeance. I switched. I left this Dark Lord and joined the side of the light. But I was a double agent, my life was lived in shadows.

And now the day of reckoning is approaching and there is very little left that matters. There is her son, and there is this red box.

The red box, half the size of my coffee table in length and its width almost surpassing the table itself. I had filled this vast space with the remainders, or the reminders of my live. Each treasure, each photograph, everything was retired into this red box, with gold velvet on the inside, and cold painted metal on the outside. Yes, Gryffindor colors because the box itself was a gift, for my 12th birthday she purchased this magnificent box and said we could hide our treasures there, our secrets, and even though we were in different houses, myself in the noble and ambitious abode of Slytherin, and her in the disreputable tower of Gryffindor, she said under the Gryffindor colors, but in a box full of Slytherin secrets, we would always have each other.

My petal.

So now I sit, Dumbledore dead by my hand, her only son one of my most loathed nemesis, and my work all a lie, a lie to the dark Lord who would kill me in an instant with no effort, and the other half dedicated to the people who hate me, dedicated to those who believe me a guilty man, a cruel cretin. But I fight for them, unbeknownst to the Order of The Phoenix. I carry out the will of Albus Dumbldore, all in the name of love. In the name of Lily Evans.

And thus I thrust open the heavy lid of my large box, the box I once shared with my beloved and before me lays the ruins of a great friendship and a great era, the era of Lily and I.

And I wonder in a world where violence is more prevalent than love, how can it possibly be that love is all I am concerned with? Her son, her awful son is just like the awful "man" she married.

James Potter.

What a joke.

But no matter, for he has no place in this box. No, this box was for Lily and I. And I close my eyes, and reach my long fingers into the disorganized contents of my life and when my hand makes contact with something, closes around it, and retrieves it from the wreckage of love, my eyes rest upon two twigs, oak twigs. Long since dead, feeble, they would surely break before they would bend. And I smiled.

_It was the summer before the glorious days of Hogwarts, the summer of innocence and youth and questions, and I explained all about wands, fascinated myself._

"_My mother has one, she can do just about ANYTHING with it," I told her as we sat on the swing set together, my feet scuffling in the sand, while hers swung back and forth too short to reach the ground, "Its how we harness our magic, how we refine it to do whatever we please! There are spells and subjects, and 7 years, and the very first step is getting our wands."_

"_What are they made of?" She grinned, her bangs slightly covering her soft green eyes, "Glitter and glass?"_

"_No those are the muggle wands you see in silly joke shops," I grinned at her wide eyed curiously, "They're made of wood, different kinds, oak mahogany, birch, and inside them they have unicorn hairs, or dragon heart strings or the feather of a phoenix, and every wand is special to you. Its your greatest gift as a witch or wizard."_

"_I want one!" She jumped from the red leather strap of her swing, her small hands relseasing the chains that held the strap as she jumped in front of me, taking my hand to my delight and leading me towards a grove of trees._

"_You'll get one!" I assured her, certain my face was a deep shade of red as my hand clamed up inside her warm palm._

"_I want one now," She smiled and jumped up to the nearest oak tree, plucking two twigs and tearing off the greenery decorating them. They were bendy, thin, uneven and looked absolutely nothing like any wand I'd ever seen, but I took the twig she held out to me with pleasure._

"_Now, teach me a spell," She said commandingly brandishing her twig as though it was a baton and she was head of a parade._

"_Lumos," I said, remembering one of the common incanations my mother frequently utilized, "It means light, it makes your wand light up."_

"_Lumos!" She shouted flicking her twig forward, and to no surprise nothing happened, ut she ignored reality in its entirety, "Now you light yours too! And when it will never get dark for us, because we can light up anything, we can find light in the gloomiest places, we're never in the dark, we're always and forever in the light!" _

"_Lumos!" I called out, laughing not surprised when the twig remained an unlit twig, "Together in the light."_

"_Together!" She exclaimed, and handed me the twig, "I mustn't be late for dinner, but take my twig and bring it tomorrow. We'll have more adventures."_

"_3 o clock by the swings?" I grinned, pocketing both out twigs._

"_As usual!" She returned the smile and hugged me briefly, my heart pounding like a very, very, very loud drum, like the footsteps of giants. And as I watched her frolic into the sunset, down the bright muggle street with the pretty muggle houses and their white picket fences, I wished, on the first star appearing on the darkening horizon that we would be best friends forever. The naïve wish of a child._

_I think I already loved her (Though I had no idea what love was) as I strolled lazily back to my own house, through the bad part of town, where my imaginary wand could not light the gloom and I wished she was with me, for her smile glowed brighter than the frail stars above. And home was rarely happy with a miserable father and a meek mother, and a piercing desire to be more than the shabby little boy who lived on Spinners end in muggle squalor. I fingered the twigs in my pocket as I walked into my house ignoring my fighting parents who were engaged in a shouting match and I went straight up to my room and I placed the twigs on my desk and imagined they lit up the world, and assured me everything would be ok, because Lily and I would never be trapped in darkness. We'd be in the light, we'd be safe. We'd be together. _

I dropped the twigs, the rotting wood to the floor as the memory burned, but quickly retrieved them, placing them gingerly on the table that was not covered by the large box, and pushing the twigs, and the memory aside, I reached in yet again, and when my hand rose from the box, clutching in my palm was a photograph, a photograph of Lily and I in our third year.

My heart ached.

Author's Notes:

This is my second story as a part of "The Death Eater Series" in which I attempted to humanize the army of Lord Voldemort haha.

Bella is my first story of the series and it has received wonderful reviews from wonderful readers, so if you enjoy this, I would suggest reading a bit of Bella as well, which is the diary of a young Bellatrix Black and her coming of age story.

This of course, is my account of the love of Severus Snape, because I love him and I love Lily and I love them together.

So please review if you've read, it would be very sweet

And I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it shall be updated soon.

Thank you so much for reading, truly.

Love love love

Your devoted and hopeful author.


	2. photographic memory

I dropped the twigs, the rotting wood to the floor as the memory burned, but quickly retrieved them, placing them gingerly on the table that was not covered by the large box, and pushing the twigs, and the memory aside, I reached in yet again, and when my hand rose from the box, clutching in my palm was a photograph, a photograph of Lily and I in our third year.

My heart ached.

_Her hair was so long then, almost to her waist which was so very slender. Her wide smile and long bangs gave her the appearance of an 11 year old, but the prettiest 11 year old girl you'd ever seen. She donned a Gryffindor sweater and scarf with a long black skirt and tights, and I stood beside her awkward and a bit too tall for my Slytherin robes. I tried to smile as she put her arms around me smiling and pulled away clapping her hands while I laughed slightly at her enthusiasm. We stood out on the quiddich pitch, you were unable to decipher it in the black and white of the picture, but we were both flushed with autumn cold…_

"_We won!" Lily exclaimed happy that Gryffindor had won their first match since our attendance at Hogwarts, "The losing streak is over! Long live the lion!"_

"_You only beat Hufflepuff," I reminded her, laughing at the enthusiasm._

"_Hey you two," Some seventh year girl with tight knit curls called to us, "You want to be in the school paper about the win? Give me a smile and some inter house pride!"_

_And thus, the picture was born._

"_We must celebrate!" She exclaimed, "Let's do something fun!"_

"_Like what?" I inquired, unable to help but grin at her happiness_

"_Let's do something crazy," Her eyes gleamed mischievously._

"_Such as, petal?" I smirked as she dashed away, the autumn leaves blowing in the breeze behind her as she frolicked off, and I followed, quickly, ignoring the cheers of the raucous Gryffindor victors which grew closer_

"_What did you call me?" She turned, walking backwards now and I found myself nervous of any rouge branch or root that might trip her lovely form._

"_Petal," I said, quickening my pace to avoid the onslaught of a Gryffindor triumph, and catching up with her as she slowed, a grin spreading across her lips, "I called you petal. You're name is Lily. Lilies are flowers, you're beautiful, and tiny… like a flower petal."_

"_You're so sweet for a Slytherin," She teased lightly, and turned back around, scurrying towards the lake and removing her outer cloak, "Let's go swimming!"_

"_Its freezing!" I argued, laughing as she plopped herself onto the October ground, removing her shoes and socks, "We'll become wee icicles!"_

"_Are you in or out, Sev?" She grinned up at me. And begrudgingly I removed my cloak and shoes_

_Hand in hand we jumped into the deep icy water, gasping for air and clinging to each other to stay warm._

_It was then that James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew strolled by singing victory songs at the top of their tone deaf lungs_

"_Lily is he trying to drown you?" Sirius called out, bursting into laughter, "Or are you two snogging?"_

"_Don't be pervserse, Black," Lily said, tossing her wet air out oher face as she shivered in the freezing water defiantly, "This is how I decided to celebrate!"_

"_By freezing to death?" Sirius scoffed, "What a brilliant idea loony lily and Snivellus"_

"_Actually it is a brilliant idea for Snivellus to freeze himself to death," Potter chortled, "But maybe this situation is a plus for him, its probably the first time his hair has ever met water."_

"_Maybe it'll catch on and he'll shower every once in a while," Sirius sneered_

_Lily and I climbed out of the water, soaking wet and full of indignation. I saw James eyes lock on Lily as she shook her long red hair, water droplets sprinkling the ground, her clothes pressed tightly against her…_

"_Too bad the giant squid didn't eat you, Snivelly," Peter drawled._

"_The squid has better taste than that," Sirius snickered loudly as Lily and I retrived our cloaks, but Potter had grabbed my shoes while Lily was sitting on the grass, glaring at the group of them and putting her own shoes back on._

"_Give him those back, Potter," Lily hissed furiously._

"_Sure, if you'll accompany me to Honeydukes on Halloween!" He proposed, a goofy grin on his young face._

"_I'd rather take the squid," She replied flatly._

"_Fine," James shrugged and tossed my shoes to Sirius, "Those things are from 1919, nice style Snivelly."_

"_Fuck you," I snapped furiously, "Give me those!"_

_I held out my wand but before I could curse Sirius's smug face he had thrown them into the water._

"_Oopsy!" Sirius called, laughing until I performed a tripping spell and he found himself tumbling over the edge of the lake, shouting as the rush of cold water covered his fully clothed body._

"_Accio shoes!" I called irritably and began drying my shoes with my wand once they returned to me, while Lily laughed loudly at Sirius flopping in the water with his cloak weighing him down._

"_It that some new Dark Arts stuff?" Peter said coldly as he and James lifted Sirius from the water while Remus, like Lily, was chuckling softly._

"_No," I was both amused and aggravated, "It's a tripping spell. Quite elementary."_

"_Quite amusing," Lily added smirking and linked her arm through mine, sticking her tongue out as they finally managed to pull Sirius to shore._

"_Oh yes QUITE," Sirius mocked shaking his wet mane, splashing both Potter and Pettigrew In the face, "When you two get married I hope for Evan's sake that your spawn don't look a think like Snivellus!"_

"_They're not getting married," Potter grumbled, "I'd put more money on the squid than that nasty excuse for a wizard."_

"_Say that to my face like a man, you so-called brave Gryffindor!" I called back, despite Lily's insist tugging on my arm, half dragging me to the castle doors._

"_I'm not a man, I'm 13," Potter called back, "And I'd say it to your face, but every time I get too close to you, I get sick, you ugly slime ball!"_

"_He's an immature toerag," Lily pressed as we entered the castle, while my head was still turned, glaring harshly at the group of them, "They all are. I'm ashamed to be in their house."_

"_They're so-" I seethed _

_Lily patted my arm and hugged me gently, "I know, Sevvy,"_

"_I'm sorry," I sighed, sweeping my wet hair from my face._

"_For what?" She asked brightly as I walked her towards the Gryffindor tower, the gentleman that I was._

"_Getting so worked up…"_

"_Are you kidding?" She laughed, holing my arm tighter, "Seeing Sirius dumped into the lake was just glorious, maybe that'll show the arrogant berk that he isn't immortal."_

"_I doubt anything short of death with convince him of that," I snickered._

"_Don't laugh!" Lily frowned, "There's all these reports of muggle deaths in the prophet because of that Lord Voldemort guy, apparently he's a muggle hater, and well, seeing as my whole family are muggles, it concerns me a bit."_

"_I didn't mean to upset you," I said gently, "You're not supposed to say his name though."_

"_Oh, why not?" She rolled her dark green eyes, "VOLDEMORT, VOLDEMORT, VOLDEMORT! What's going to happen? He can't hear me, muggle killing bastard."_

"_Just be careful," I cringed at the sound of his name, the name of the man that my friends referred to as "The Dark Lord" The man they said would lead our world to glory._

"_Careful?" She giggled, 'Me? Never! What's life if you don't live it?"_

"_Wasted," I agreed as we reached the portrait hole, "Have a good night… Petal…"_

_She swooped down and kissed my cheek gingerly, "Good night, Sev!"_

_And she disappeared into her common room. I walked quickly back to my own Slytherin dungeon, not wanting to run into Potter and company, not after that moment when her lips grazed my cheek. I must have been bright red and smiling like a fool, but I was 13 and I was in love._

That photograph I held, grasped so tightly in my hand that I bent one of the corners, it showed our youth, the epitome of our adventures, of our friendship when we were still 13 and anything was still possible.

With a painful sigh, I placed the photo beside the twigs and reached into the box yet again, my eyes closed to the world, wishing I was still 13, innocent and with the girl I loved in a freezing lake below a gray autumn sky, waiting tomorrow and all the glory it promised.

When I removed my hand, clutching in my long fingers was a note in her lovely cursive hand… and it began….

"_Deaestr Sev…_

Authors Notes:

So I hope you're all intrigued, its about to get a bit more exciting I think =]

I really hope you've enjoyed what you've read, and reviews are so very very very loved.

Xo

April summer your hopeful author!


	3. Love Always

With a painful sigh, I placed the photo beside the twigs and reached into the box yet again, my eyes closed to the world, wishing I was still 13, innocent and with the girl I loved in a freezing lake below a gray autumn sky, waiting tomorrow and all the glory it promised.

When I removed my hand, clutching in my long fingers was a note in her lovely cursive hand… and it began….

"_Dearest Sev,_

_I hope this note finds you well. I thought fourth year charms would be infinitely more interesting than this, but Flitwick is going on and on about summoning charms. That's SO last year. I'm sitting with Mary and Alice, both of whom are having far too much difficulty with this. I mean really, accio, point your wand, and viola, right?_

_But anyway, Potter and Black and Remus all have it down, and they're fully engaged in abusing the process by summoning Flitwick's wizard hat and claiming with such mock innocent eyes that they simply misfired their curses._

_Curse them._

_Potter keeps saying "I summon Lily's heart!" and I hope that is impossible, because that would result in my death, if my heart were to me summoned from my chest. Obviously._

_I swear the average IQ I this room must be the same as Crabbe and Goyle's._

_Why do you hang out with them anyway? And I know you and Lucius Malfoy remain friends. I mean, Malfoy really? He redefines scumbag in new and disgusting terms. I hear he's working for Lord Voldemort (Don't get mad I wrote the name you big baby). And Rosier? Rosier is such a jerk. Avery, Mulciber, Wilkes, Lestrange, ugh your friends are as bad as Potter's gang._

_I'm glad we found each other in this crazy school, I hope I can keep you sane with all those terrible influences you surround yourself with. Now, I know you have your own mind and such, but they are such disgraces. They give Slytherin a bad name. And I hear Lestrange is dating Sirius's insane cousin Bellatrix Black. That girl needs medication._

_I'm sorry I'm in such a foul mood, I'm sick with worry for my family under the reign of Lord Voldemort and I'm sick of ALWAYS having to suffer the company of Potter and Sirius._

_Remus is actually a delight, I don't see why you can hate him. I bet he's a prefect next year! I hope I can join him, I don't see why not, Slughorn and I are practically best friends! (Just kidding, you're my best friend)_

_I guess I should go help Mary and Alice. Maybe I'm judging them too harshly. We are friends, but they don't understand things like you, Sev. Nobody does._

_I was thinking about the first day we met, and you called me a witch. I was so offended._

_It was really the best compliment I've ever received._

_Love always,_

_Petal_

_I held this note tightly, as she passed it to me in the Great Hall on her way to the Gryffindor table with a friendly wink. I read it to myself in my own charms lesson when Flitwick wasn't looking and then I re-read it, and read it again until I memorized it. _

_It had been signed_

_Love always, Lily_

_And after class when Roddy Lestrange, Avery and Mulciber raced over, excitedly discussing muggle murders and the rising of the Dark Lord, I felt a sick twinge in my stomach._

_Something felt wrong and something felt right._

_There was a cold hatred inside me that proceeded one's downfall, but I was little concerned with my future of my soul. My concern was the excitement of my friends, those who defended me, accepted me, and my concern for the beautiful woman whose note I would be re-reading all night._

_And the choice was beginning to form, light or dark?_

_And I was beginning to feel torn. I wanted to have my cauldron cakes and eat them too, who wouldn't wish for that?_

_And then Sirius hit me with a tripping jinx as I stood from the table at lunch and my face fell into someone's mashed potatoes, and the dark side began to hold more appeal, with every battle, the dark side grew inside of my heart, the darker side of magic, so alluring._

_Who wouldn't be allured? Lily, I reminded myself, always Lily._

_But I was 14, and I wanted something glorious._

"_Want to go to a meeting Lucius and Bellatrix are setting up?" Roddy asked me after I cleaned the potatoes from my face disdainfully, "It's In honor of the rising of the Dark Lord. In honor of disposing of trash like James Potter and Sirius Black."_

"_Yeah," I nodded, avoiding Lily's eyes from across the hall, and holding her note so tightly in my clammy palm, "I'll be there, mate."_

It was the beginning of my fourth year, but who cares about my fourth year? It was the beginning of my life. My heart beat far too quickly as I remember those racing, confused, adolescent thoughts, that adolescent hatred, that adolescent love, all of those youthful feelings that had grown and manifested into the rest of my life.

I sighed, and to keep my thoughts from growing too deep, my hand dove into my red box of memories once again and with my hand, I pulled out a pair of James Potter's glasses, and despite the plummeting feeling within my stomach, I burst into laughter, a sound I was not used to hearing escape my own lips, a strange sound in Spinners End, but no other sound could accompany the sight of those glasses, no sound but laughter could explain the memory.

I smiled to myself…

AUTHORS NOTE:

Things about to get… a little dark… =]

Pls read and review!

It means so much

-your devoted author


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